Pups must be put in their place

7 a.m.; 22 degrees F;

I was pulling my person, J2, at a good clip along the wooded trails. (I cannot disclose the exact location, because we will get in trouble for breaking the leash law.)

Except for my owner and me, the whole quarter-mile, figure-eight path was vacant.

And then ...I saw HIM. It was C1, and his owner, J1. They were sneaking into the woods via the cut-through from an adjacent field.

C1's long, collie-like hair looked like it was sequined ... he had tiny little frozen droplets distributed throughout his coat. He had just arrived from a swim in the lake. What was the water temperature??? Wow, he's amazing.

C1 is my boyfriend. We make a great-looking pair.

He runs up to me, sees I'm still confined to a leash and challenges me to a wrestling match. He likes to unfairly grab my collar in his mouth. While its nice to have his muzzle so close, it kinda' hurts ... HEY, cut it out, C1.

His owner, J1 (aka fairy princess), tells him to settle down.

Then we notice two golden retriever youngsters ... really young ... and no human nearby. What's that about?

Down the hill there ... a woman is (crawling) making her way up through the leaves and brush. What was she doing down there anyway?
The pups have discovered C1 and me.

Neither one of us is particularly fond of youngsters ... because they don't seem to understand that I'm the leader. They keep chasing both of us. I snarl and try to get the male to back off. He barks at me instead of leaving. Dumb-ass.

I whiz. He whizzes where I just went ... little shit.

His owner, M, seems green as far as dog-ownership. She says to the little whizzing fellow, "I think you have a bladder infection, you keep peeing".

Humans hate to waste money on vets for no reason. M will probably find out that "marking" for dominance isn't a bladder infection.

Whoa! Here comes my blond-female-lab pal, DM, and her shit-eating old, black-lab neighbor, ZA. ZA always has feces-breath from her habit of eating it. No one has figured out a deterrent yet. I really like DM and her owner, the man, B1. They are both very kind.

Now arriving ... another youngster, another black lab, Crazy R.

She's nutty. Her owner, POC, says as much. Crazy R zooms around like a maniac.

I chase her and snap. Crazy R is smart enough to pay attention and change direction.

MD, the male adult golden retreiver joins us with female owner, DD. DD keeps yelling at him to come to her. He doesn't pay any attention to DD. I don't like his attitude. I go over to him and tell him to do what he's told. He takes off. I find it necessary to use a little more force in getting my message across to MD. My owner grabs me by my collar, keeping me from fully correcting MD. I don't understand why I'm kept from playing referee ... I mean look at me ... my coat is black and white.

My boytoy, C1 keeps running off the trail to chase squirrels. I can't join HIM because J2 has put me back on leash.

Next to enter the woods is the man, DG. He comes in with his humping, standard poodle, ZG. We like ZG, he just gets excited pretty easily. ZG and DG move ahead of the group. They begin playing hide and seek, using the hemlocks along the ridge. I watch the rest of the dogell-gang. They are a bit confused by this game. Should they play or just watch?

Uh-oh! DM's owner, B1, has spotted the vehicle of our common enemy. We call the enemy man, "the man in the yellow jacket" becasue he swears at our owners for allowing us to roam, leash free. He's right, but our owners just let us chase him out of the woods. Then they laugh their asses off and speculate that the cops or rangers will be waiting for us all the next day. It never happens.

I actually like the man in the yellow jacket. He reminds me of a man who used to pet me and give me treats.

I've heard YJ swear at the other dog owners, but my owner tries to greet him occasionally. She knows I have a special connection to him.

However, I also have a "tough-girl" reputation to uphold, so I have to oblige my gang by barking and growling at YJ.

He's safe today ... we only saw his car and not him.

Everyone's starting to leave. Wait, what about the good-bye treats from B1 and J1?