Therapy dog

My owner keeps insisting I come up with "an act" to win her money on America's funniest home video.

What I'm considering is typing my memoirs about life with a neurotic owner. I didn't sign on to become someone's therapist.

I'm going to use my book royalties to move up in the world. Owners the world over will want me to come and live with them. I'll finally be treated as the queen I am.

(This has nothing to do with me being mad at my owner for cutting short my visit with my boyfriend and playgroup this morning.)